i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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