I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
