dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
