Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
