i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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