my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
