There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
