My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
