Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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