Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
