there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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