I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
