Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
