ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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