I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
