there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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