Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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