youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
