I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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