There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
