I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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