I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
