He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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