FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
