We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
