I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
