I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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