There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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