My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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