it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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