At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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