If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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