YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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