a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
