dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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