Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
