For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
