My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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