is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
