So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
