I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
either way he was missing a nipple.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
