he shaved USA in his pubs
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
