explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
