Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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