I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude i'm inner monologue high
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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