umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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