I wish I could punch you in the face.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
