Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
