A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
