new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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