You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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