If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
